☆22/9/2026☆

00:00
Hi!

Things have been kind of crazy recently. It's like I've gone into this insane hyper-focus since coming back from Latvia. 

Latvia was amazing. I still feel like I haven't fully processed it. I can't believe how strictly capitalist it is there. And now when I cross the road in Birmingham, I think about how in Riga if you don't cross the road "properly", you can literally get stopped by police. And the crossings there are shit. In Birmingham, all the crossings are pedestrian friendly and no one cares if you just walk out in front of a car as long as you don't inconvenience them. And even if you do, it's not a huge deal. I think the US also has this rule about jaywalking. 

It's also illegal to be a communist there. No one was really pro-Stalin there. I'm not pro-Stalin, and I don't understand people who are. A recent comrade of mine in Birmingham, who is with a different organisation to me, literally just openly said she was a Stalinist. And was deadly serious about saying that Stalin's method is the only way to achieve communism. It's just insane to me. Of course that's not the only way to achieve communism. STALIN FOUGHT ON HITLER'S SIDE. She then said to me that Stalin brought the biggest army against the Nazi's or something, and I said yeah when it was convenient to him to switch sides..... 

What worries me is that this organisation has bad intentions. Especially after learning that they're Stalinists. It's a shame because I'm becoming friends with someone else and working with her in a cabaret that we are doing in a squat in London next month. She's Russian as well. I'm scared that they're all Stalinists. I have good friends that are Latvian and Ukrainian. We should be arming Ukraine, just as we should be arming Palestine. Maybe I just don't have enough knowledge to truly understand it all. Everything is so complex on so many levels and there's no way I'll ever know everything and other people always seem to know more than me in rooms where I really need to have this knowledge in order to conversate appropriately.

Anyway, I'm tired and stoned and I wanna chill out and do something silly like play GTA. But I'm so tired!!!! I've got another sociable day tomorrow. And I feel like I haven't showered for ages. And my laundry has been in the machine for 2 days and tomorrow is gonna be busy too. But I feel like I've actually done loads over the past few days and I'm doing more tomorrow. I'm nervous to see Peach though, because she said she's had something on her mind about our friendship and that is a terrifying message to receive when you have a brain like mine. This keeps happening to me with friends, and it's making me think I might be the problem, but I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I'm always trying to do the right thing. Anyway, there's no point me thinking about it because I don't know what she's going to say, and I'm secure in myself so there shouldn't be any real issue that can't be resolved.

I think journalling like this on my own designed website is so cool but I obviously wouldn't want anyone I know to see this, but part of me wants to publish it and I want everyone else to read it as a piece of art. Life is art. Journalling is an art form. This is how I express myself and it always has been. I wonder why journalling isn't considered as an art form. Is it because anyone can do it? Because it can't really be judged or commodified? Journalling is literally a human being's unique perception of life. If every single human in all of time each wrote a journal, no one would have even remotely the same result. Yes, it would all be writing on a page, but no one's writing would be the same, and there's not a chance in hell, heaven, or earth that two people will have had the same experience and written about it in exactly the same way, with the same words and the same writing on the same notepad. Everything about journalling is unique. Every single element of it. It is not celebrated at all. And I believe the reason for that is Capitalism. It has to be. Something that everyone can do cannot be commodified. It would be impossible to collect every journal ever written, and if you can't ever complete a full collection, how would you market it? Honestly, collecting journals would be an amazing TikTok trend, but I think most journals either get thrown away, or are within families. It also wouldn't be good for alienation if we all started reading each other's journals and realising we were all human after all.

Okay, I have to sleep now. GTA online keeps crashing so I can never play for that long anyway. Maybe it's for the best, because this is a much better use of my time, probably.